Your Sword is Long and Impractical

You are a lone warrior scouring the sunny countryside for adventure and treasure. Slowly. Over your shoulder, you’re using both hands to pull a shockingly large and heavy sword. Nine feet long, 199 lbs, and made from iron stolen from 9 different dragon caves, this sword’s a perfect “9” in your book. You had the sword’s intimidating name inscribed on the handle: “Killfinger.”

In the sky, an eagle with an enormous wingspan circles overhead. You can’t help but notice its impressive horse legs and genitals blowing through the wind. The hippogriff lets out a bellowing “neighhhh” as it swoops down in front of you, foaming at the beak, pecking toward you. You have the sword of your dreams. Can you wield it?

What would you like to do?

• Leave the sword and run!
• Let the hippogriff smell your hand.

If you’d like to fight the hippogriff, look around you. How many objects do you see that likely weigh over 100 lbs?

• 2 or Less
• 3 to 5
• 6 or More