Wrestle a Bear for the Championship

You are an up-and-coming pro wrestler on the indie circuit. Across from you in the ring is a grizzly bear. “Big Honker” is the reigning UBW* champion with a gold foil belt around his enormous waist! He’s 450 lbs and doesn’t look friendly. The greasy-faced promoter has booked the match for you to go over and become the new UBW champion. When you get Big Honker in a headlock, he’s trained to fall asleep, and you’ll win your first belt!

You look around. You’re performing next to a dilapidated shack in the woods. None of the 12 people in attendance are wearing shoes or shirts. Has this bear been properly trained? Is the promoter trustworthy? Could you have gotten more than $50 for the match? All questions you should have asked before the bell rang, which it just did.

What would you like to do?

• Leave immediately.
• Play dead.
• Protest animal cruelty.

If you’d like to wrestle Big Honker, recall the number of times in your life you’ve been in a physical fight with someone who isn’t a friend or family member.

• If it’s 0, click here.
• If it’s 1-4, click here.
• If it’s 5 or more, click here.

* Unregulated Backwoods Wrestling