Save the Mall from Gremlin Invaders

You are the manager of the local Poopie’s Pranks, a nationally-tolerated novelty store found in mostly-abandoned malls. Poopie’s specializes in such delights as 50th birthday cards that briefly electrocute the opener, edible panties that taste like rotten sauerkraut, and plastic hedge stones with phrases like, “Here Lies a Total Dumb-Ass” that fart when you pass by them.

It’s a snowy night and the mall is quiet. After cleaning a silly string explosion in the “Guffaws” aisle, you get ready to lock up. That’s when you hear a wet pitter-patter on the linoleum outside the store. Is this another bathroom sewage leak? No, because the splishes are accompanied by churlish laughter. You walk outside the store and look around. Nothing but fluorescent lit benches, a trash can, and your neighboring store across the aisle, Bandanarama.

Behind you, there are several loud crashes! You turn around. The glass door of Poopie’s is shattered. Inside, your store is besieged by Grossblins, those slimy, knee-high, comically murderous little demons! You’ve seen them wreak havoc on the news. One time they pretended to be news anchors and they had little suits and ties. Monstrous! There are well-publicized rules about how to propagate and defeat them, but since you’re panicked, you can’t remember any of them.

There are 20 Grossblins tearing up Poopie’s Pranks! They’re stretching out the Blunder Bras, ripping down the black light alien Rastafari posters, spraying out bottles of Astronaut Cheez at each other, and stealing all the money from the cash register. Damn it, you need that money!

What would you like to do?

• Lock the Grossblins into the store.
• Try and remember the rules about Grossblins.

If you would like to prank the Grossblins away, text someone you know with an iPhone a GIF of “typing dots” and nothing else until they reply.

• If they are fooled, click here.
• If they are not fooled, but find it amusing, click here.
• If they are not fooled and find it confusing, click here.
• If they are upset with you, click here.