Intimidate Your Dognappers

You’re a bounty hunter on a risky mission: sleep in a hammock without destroying it. This is hammock number six, because you weigh so much (all muscle), the ropes on your hammocks keep snapping. But you love hammocks! After a long week chasing perps, pervs, and perks (AAA membership has more than a few), you just want to hang in the yard, take in the rays and split a Coors Light with your doberman, Rottweiler. Where is that dumb mutt of yours? She should be lying on your stomach, pushing this new hammock to the brink of collapse.

On the plastic patio table next to you, the cordless phone rings. You prefer landlines, because you don’t want Mamma Government watching you take a shit. When you snag the phone, three of the ropes instantly snap on the hammock. Damn it, you’re too strong!

“Uh huh, what?” you answer, a snarl in your voice.

“We have kidnapped your dog,” says the mechanical, altered voice. There’s terror in your eyes as you stand up from the hammock – snapping three more ropes – and look around. No Rottweiler to be found.

“Who is this?” you stammer.

“That is none of your concern. If you want to see your dog alive again, come alone to Drop Zone Park at 6 pm tomorrow with $7,000 cash. Leave it inside the tree with the word ‘Ransoms Please’ spray painted on it and await further instructions.”

These kidnappers are good. They know your one weakness is your dog, and not your family. But if they’re counting on you rolling over and playing dead, they can go bark themselves. 

What would you like to do?

To strike fear into the hearts of the dognappers, how many dogs have you personally owned in your lifetime?

• 0 dogs, click here.
• 1-3 dogs, click here.
• 4 or more dogs, click here.

To outsmart the dognappers, how many dogs have you pet in the last month?

• 0 dogs, click here.
• 1-2 dogs, click here.
• 3 or more dogs, click here.