Exorcise Ghosts from Your Haunted Airbnb

You’re taking a trip out to the desert for a bit of peace and quiet and frustrating cell phone reception. As you drive down the winding desert road at night, you marvel at the shining stars in the night sky. Well, you would, if your car wasn’t violently jerking up and down driving over jagged rocks. Finally, you pull your car into the little wooden garage, after missing the driveway six times.

Outside, the quiet of the chilly night is refreshing. No car alarms. No barking dogs. No noisy neighbors loudly complaining to you about your car alarm and barking dog. The Airbnb you rented is a very cute, vintage cinder block house with a rock garden, an outdoor hot tub, and a sign on the door that reads, “Home Sweet Cactus.” You get the keys out of the lockbox to open the front door.

It’s dark inside, so you flip on the lizard light switch. That’s when you see them. Ghosts! Their eyes and yawning mouths are endless voids of darkness. They float from room to room, frightening blurs between our world and what awaits us in death. Also, they’re having a hot dog eating contest.

There are 20 pro-level phantom eaters chowing down dogs in your rental home. Either they don’t notice you or they’re eating too much to care. Empty Nathan’s packs litter the floor. They’re dunking the buns in holy water. One dude looks like he’s choking to death, but he’s a ghost, so he’s probably fine? For all the excitement, the ghosts are deathly quiet. You cannot hear any cheering, chewing, or swallowing. They’re ghost gobbling in every room, but do not make a sound.

What would you like to do?

• Pretend like you don’t see them.
• Contact the Airbnb host.

If you’d like to kick the ghosts out: how many suitcases do you typically bring on trips?

• None.
• 1 suitcase.
• 2 suitcases.
• 3 or more suitcases.