You and your four friends were just average, skateboarding, calzone-obsessed American teenagers. But when you stumbled upon four magical blades in an abandoned quarry – enchanted by a caveman magician! – you transformed into the DINOSWORDS™. Now you’re half teenager, half dinosaur barbarian, and 100% Dino-Might™! But these are dark times for the DinoSwords™. Somehow, the […]
It is another beautiful weekend afternoon at the Eugene Eugene the Third Memorial Park and Duck Pond. You’re currently enjoying some time feeding your friends, the ducks, some kale – a healthy alternative to bread. You take pride in feeding the ducks, who have come to love and respect you. The largest duck, who you […]
You are a thrill-seeking archeologist traversing the desert sand. It’s a brutally hot day, but you’re not thirsty for water. Oh no, you’re thirsty for… ancient treasure. Okay, you are also thirsty for water. Your canteen only contains droplets of luke warm backwash. The thought of a La Croix makes your tongue scream. Finally, you arrive […]
You are the captain of Starship Hiyabuddie. Your mission is to make contact with new lifeforms throughout the galaxy and convince them to join the Neutral Affiliation of Planets. As their motto goes, “You Look Like You Could Use a NAP.” Today’s mission is to a dangerous, hostile quadrant of space. The Hiyabuddie is approaching […]
You are a ghost, which is way cooler than being alive, because you can time travel. Highlights of your year include placing bets on dinosaur fights, trying to explain the significance of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? to William Shakespeare, and blasting Facebook’s Drone Army with your laser cannon. However, as a time ghost, you’re obligated to help […]
It’s 3:50 am, the ungodly hour. You’re standing in the freezing cold parking lot outside your local Kmart. This is Black Friday, the cursed day after Thanksgiving when popular Christmas gifts first go on sale. You are quietly cursing the name of your first born child. The throng of parents around you are doing the […]
For sale: baby shoes, never worn. What would you like to do?
You type furiously on your keyboard. The green from the terminal screen fills your eyes. Mountain Goo – a carbonated, sludge-textured “super beverage” – fills your stomach. In just a few keystrokes, your hacker collective VirtuaDudes have decrypted all the passcodes for a secret government server. You enter a passcode into the waiting prompt: “S0n1cRul3z.” Instantly, […]
You’re a cowherd, card sharp, and freelance interior decorator in the wild west town of Old Cactus. Lately, things haven’t been going too well for anybody in this two-horse town, especially considering up ‘til last week there were about 20 horses in it. You’re drinking in the Dusty Glass Saloon, celebrating the fact that you […]
The tight, colorful spandex suit you’re wearing is so itchy. You think about scratching your lower back with the wire cutters in your shaking palm, but then you remember the news cameras. The whole city would be watching you scratch your butt before they’re all blown to smithereens. You are in Big City’s famous Metro […]
You are the official cat of the president of the United States of America, also known as “COTUS.” Today’s agenda: ✓ Prancing around the White House hallways like you own the place. ✓ Rubbing your entire body against the legs of all the humans in the press briefing room. ✓ Biting and shredding proposed legislation. […]
You are a noble bard – armed with your trusty lute and angelic pipes – facing off against five giant angry spiders. All the other members of your adventuring party are wrapped up in spider webs, hanging upside down from trees in this forest. You are all that stands between them and certain death. To […]
