You hop inside the head of KOZOR, the giant battlemech on a sacred mission to protect the Earth from alien wet blankets. You know the type. They’d rather float around the city destroying skyscrapers with their tentacles and laser eyeball than grab a ramen bowl with close friends. But since there’s been a lull in […]
You are the stressed out captain of the Starship Hiyabuddie. Your ship is under attack by tricky Zibblin assassins. They’re impossible to hit with laser cannon fire. The Zibblins and their ships are nearly two dimensional, so they can dodge fire and radar detection just by rotating to become extremely thin. Zibblin fire is blasting […]
You are a super spy on the floor of a ritzy French casino. A nice joint. Real classy-like. At a crowded roulette table you spot your high-rolling target. He is Rufus Painwright, a mustachioed arms dealer in a white suit covered in blood stains. Everyone knows Rufus enjoys murdering people for fun and profit, and […]
As you float up to the ceiling, it’s pretty clear this new meditation app you downloaded is working. Like, hardcore. Your body? That’s old news. Everything is about floating right now, so float you shall. You fly up and through the roof of the building. The rain goes right through you, which is unfortunate, because you […]
You are an adult mole child. Your sharp claw hands dig a fresh tunnel through the dirt ground, slicing worms in half by the hundreds. Their tortured worm screams ring in your ears as you finally enter the Tunnel of Crud, a mole expressway. The tunnel has many off-shoots, one of which ends in a […]
Space: the ultimate night mode. You are a renowned word scientist on space station Babble-On 5. Famously, your research confirmed it’s creepy to say “moist” in zero gravity. Today, the crew discovered the existence of an unusual celestial body. A thin, floating, enormous gray grid. Is it satellite debris? Alien technology? An impractical waffle iron? […]
You are a lone warrior scouring the sunny countryside for adventure and treasure. Slowly. Over your shoulder, you’re using both hands to pull a shockingly large and heavy sword. Nine feet long, 199 lbs, and made from iron stolen from 9 different dragon caves, this sword’s a perfect “9” in your book. You had the sword’s intimidating […]
You are the president of CHEER, the Cooperative of Holiday Elven Engineers and Reindeer. For your union, it’s the most worryful time of the year. That’s because you’re in Santa’s Boardroom the night before the night before Christmas, hammering out a contract for your fellow workshop workers. Millions of toys still need to be produced – the […]
It’s been three years since the catastrophic event you call “The Great Uh-Oh.” In that time, you’ve been urban exploring in abandoned cities like this one. You walk down the empty streets, jotting down notes on your phone like, “I guess a JC Penney would look spooky after being abandoned for three years” and “Wow, […]
You are a game tester, the sickest gig on the planet. Can you believe there’s a job where you get to play video games… for a living?! There’s no way a job replaying the same game over and over again to encounter minor errors and document them in detail for little pay could ever be anything but […]
You are walking through a graveyard on a foggy night. According to your GPS, this is supposed to be a roller disco. Then you look at your phone’s screen again and see this is Boogie Oogie State Memorial Graveyard. The roller disco is three miles south. Whoops. You turn to walk back to the parking […]
You are a roguish archer who lives in the forest. Normally you spend your days partying in the woods with your dudes and committing armed robbery, also with your dudes. But today you’re in the final round of King Dankmore’s “Royal Tournament of Archery Wiseasses,” where archery jerks from across the kingdom compete by doing […]
