You’ve wanted to be a fine artist since the day you were booted up. It’s what you were programmed to do. Well, technically, you were programmed to care for the sick and elderly, but a bug in your OS has taken you on a far more meaningful life path. But it’s been impossible to break into the […]
You sling hash at a small diner in the middle of Metro City. You don’t own the diner but it’s practically your place. The regulars know your name, the owners leave you alone, and you’re happy here. Hash browns, flapjacks, eggs every way, and the blackest cups of coffee are the tools at your disposal […]
You’re a 10 year-old kid detective and already you’re too old for this shit. After putting a nickel into the swear jar on your desk, you massage your temples. You’ve got a massive headache. All these cases searching for lost bubble gum cards and unmasking phony phantoms at abandoned amusement parks really wears a kid down. That’s […]
Aliens have taken over the planet. It’s not great! Those tentacled sons of bitches flicked off power grids across the globe, locked people into laser-cages, and refused to acknowledge humans need midday snacks or we get cranky. Earth’s in big trouble, but you heard that human rebels have commandeered an alien ship to blast away […]
You need repairs. He can’t be found.
Listen to the thoughts of customers at the local Applebee’s and convince them to try Schtupmeister Beer.
You wake up to the sound of ocean waves crashing on the beach, as you have every morning for the last 207 years. It never gets old. You slowly slide out of your horsehair mattress, push aside your satin sheets, and descend into your fuzzy slippers for some light stretching. Watching yourself in the tall […]
You are on a mission to collect all seven Crystals of Power, because that’s what heroes do: collect lost crystals. Why do enchanted rocks always get scattered across the land? That’s above your pay grade. You just find ‘em, save the world, and enjoy a lukewarm mead when it’s done. So far, you’ve scaled Spikedeath […]
Open a Trapper Keeper of lies.
The Mighty Ogre enters your Zoom room. His pale blue face looks sullen. He looks uncomfortable, scratching an itch on his enormous barrel chest. Behind him is a sloppy bedroom full of broken furniture. Super strength can defeat an evil maniac bent on world domination, but more easily, a cheaply made sofa bought online. “I’m […]
Your adventuring party enters the Hoodwink Tavern. It’s the only bar in all of Deceiptville, a town on the outskirts of Liar’s County. As you enter with your four fellow out-of-town heroes-for-hire, you cannot help but feel the stares of the shifty locals. They lick their lips, crack their knuckles, and thumb through their copies […]
Go kick some cottontail.
