Absorb Santa’s Power

This Christmas Eve is the humbuggiest. You’re at a crummy hotel bar during a freak snowstorm, worried you won’t get home to your family tomorrow. All flights are cancelled. There’s a lonely, portly Santa impersonator drinking a beer alone at the bar. You tell the bartender you’re picking up the tab for “Santa” this evening, because the greatest gift of all is waking up with no additional room charges.

There’s a TV at the bar playing The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. You get so absorbed with Martin Short doing his best Jim Carrey that you neglect to notice Santa is out cold. When you look over at him, you watch his body disappear, but his suit gets left behind! What the hell-idays?

You run to the bathroom. Your hands are shaking like jingle bells. A long white beard grows on your face. Your waistline puddings. Did you inadvertently kill Santa and therefore become the new Santa, a la the rules of the beloved Santa Clause movie franchise and new Disney+ series? There’s only one way to find out.

What would you like to do?

• Slide up a fireplace chimney.
• Communicate with a reindeer.
• Slow time to a crawl.