Prove You’re Not Human Scum

Aliens have taken over the planet. It’s not great! Those tentacled sons of bitches flicked off power grids across the globe, locked people into laser-cages, and refused to acknowledge humans need midday snacks or we get cranky. Earth’s in big trouble, but you heard that human rebels have commandeered an alien ship to blast away from this stupid planet. It’s just three blocks away at the harbor and it’s leaving tonight. To get there, you’ll need to sneak quietly past alien guards at the corner of your block.

You fail to do that. A bug-eyed guard catches you trying to walk around them in your squeaky old Sketchers.

“ARE YOU HUMAN?” asks a particularly dumb alien guard with a pulverizer gun pointed at your forehead.

“Uh, no?” you brilliantly respond. “I’m a Nopellian like you, but unlike you, I’m… in disguise.”

“PROVE YOU ARE NOT HUMAN SCUM. ANSWER THIS QUESTION: WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSE TO UNFORTUNATE CIRCUMSTANCES?”

What would you like to say?

• “I fire my pulverizer gun!”
• “I consult the mega brain!”
• “I get sad.”