Whoa, You Have a Jetpack!

Your doorbell rings. You open the front door and a large cardboard box is outside. No need to bring it in. Who’s got the time? You whip out a pocket knife and slash the box apart to reveal… a jetpack!

Sleek black exterior. Two miniature turbojet engines. Handlebars with built-in computer systems for balance, navigation, and a round of aerial Snood. This thing is worth every penny of the $328,400 you had saved in your daughter’s college fund.

You secure yourself into the harness, stand up straight, and excitedly press the launch button. The jets thrust you into the air. Slowly at first, then very fast! It takes a bit of trial and error – you find yourself doing loop de loops in the air for a full eight minutes – but you finally stabilize at 20 feet off the ground. You can see the roof of your neighbor’s white Escalade in the driveway. He thinks his car is so cool, but one thing you’ve observed about that car: it can’t fly. Ha, what a sucker!

According to the jetpack infomercial, this baby can go as high as 15,000 feet. 20 feet is a lot less than 15,000… Hmm… HMM… HMMMMMMMMM!

To see how high you fly in your jetpack:

Take your height and add together the feet and inches as two separate numbers. (ex. If your height is 5’7” → 5 + 7 = 12.)

• 5 or less, click here.
• 6 to 9, click here.
• 10 to 13, click here.
• 14 or more, click here.

Header art illustrated by Kenny Keil.