Investigate! Look for Clues!

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Desk”]

There’s something else on your desk next to the swear jar: a glass of gin and tonic. Well, ginger tonic. It’s Schweppes. You can’t stop drinking that fizzy ale. You guzzle down the rest of an open can – it’s warm – and toss the empty out the pool house window. 

Not only are you a ginger ale drunk, but you’re a litter bug, too. What would Hoot the Owl say?[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Future”]

“What do you know about the future?” you ask the jane.

“I know how to play the time game,” she smiled. “Investing money in bank accounts decades in the past, then cashing out big in the future.”

“Why don’t you just play the lotto?”

“Why don’t you just play the SHUT UP?” she frowned. I couldn’t think of a comeback. She won that round.[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Blonde”]

“What’s your name?” you ask the blonde with the rad butterfly hairclip.

“Bacon,” she replies. “Crystal Bacon.”

“That’s a weird name.”

“I’m not weird. And I’m not working with alien ghosts, if that’s what you’re implying.”

Uh, I wasn’t![/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Peace”]

You look at the chickadee’s tattoo. Peace sign in a globe, right out of 1970. It’s a decade you’re very familiar with, which is strange, since you were born in 2011. Some kids watch Rick & Morty. You prefer History Channel documentaries on the failures of the Vietnam War.[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Slammer”]

Your dad gave you his Pog collection and told you to hold onto it. He insists those OJ Trial Pogs are gonna be worth a mint in another 30 years.

“You know how to time travel, doncha?” the gal pal asks, watching you flip the metal slammer in your hand. “You just push the metal doohicky and blow… through the space-time continuum.”

“I don’t want to travel anywhere,” you retort, pretending not to hear the implication that your Pog is a time travel device. “Car sickness.”[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Dog”]

“Big fan of dogs?” you ask, expertly noting her shirt.

“I love dogs, especially my dog, Slaybib,” the little lady explains. “Last summer, I went to a dog camp to train him.”

“Does Slaybib know any tricks?”

“No, but he eats ants like an anteater.”

“Nice. I could use a dog like that. My room’s infested with ants. Mom says it’s the half-eaten Snickers bars I leave around my room, but I think it’s just rotten luck…”[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Headache”]

You take a few chewables to calm this raging headache down.

“Headache?” asks the skirt in capri shorts. “I think I might know the problem.”

“What’s that?” you ask.

“There’s a bomb in your brain.”

“If it turns out there’s a bomb in my brain, I’m going to be seriously ticked off.”[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Joey”]

“Yeah, I’m Joey. The one and only. What’s it to ya?” you reply with a spicy attitude.

“Actually, there are many Joeys in different realities,” she explains. “We must avoid a Total Conflation Paradox.”

“A conflation paradox? Is that one of those logic problems Mr. Deckard gives us, where someone is always telling the truth and someone else only lies on Mondays?”

“I’d never lie to you, Joey.”

“Maybe not. But is playing pretend lying… if you believe it?” you wonder. Very deep.[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Boyfriend”]

“You’ve got a boyfriend?” you ask the girl in your office.

“Boy friend, yes,” she corrects. “His name is Mike Flies and he’s a bank robber.”

“Is robbing banks fun? I’m a detective, so I’m not supposed to break the law.”

“I think maybe try it and see if you like it? Mike enjoys it, but it’s not for everybody.”[/ifurlparam]

[ifurlparam param=”Clue” is=”Missing”]

“Got any proof your boyfriend is missing?” you ask the littlest broad.

“Boy-who-is-a-friend,” she corrects. “And yes, have a look at this…”

She pulls a rolled up document from her back shorts pocket and puts it on my desk.

“This is what I call The Manuscript. I wrote down everything that’s gonna happen, which I know, because I’m a time traveler. But we can change the future together.” 

“Does The Manuscript know… I’ve got a booger in my nose?”

“Page 11,” she replies. You flip through it. Sure enough, the word “booger” is on there. In green colored pencil. Uncanny.[/ifurlparam]

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